Tango is more than a dance. It is the language of romance. To tango is to learn how to love, how to communicate in a relationship.
One goal of a sexual relationship is to have pleasurable experiences, and the act of vaginal penetration is just one way of sensually adoring a partner’s body. But when a fertile, cisgender heterosexual couple engages in coitus unprotected, the act of intercourse also becomes a potential reproductive act, and it carries extra responsibilities. Care is needed to avoid unwanted pregnancy, protect each other from sexually transmitted diseases, save each other from discomfort or pain, and respect each other’s physical and emotional preferences.
In the book Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think about Abortion, Gabrielle Blair argues that men should be made responsible for where they deposit their sperm. Her message is a wake-up call to men about their responsibility to avoid unwanted pregnancy and thus reduce the need for abortions. Ms Blair’s call for responsibility is realistic, but it is too limited.
By the time the male partner can be held responsible for an unwanted pregnancy it is too late. He has to be responsibly prepared for the potential of sexual congress. The book also fails to point out that the female partner has a responsibility to safeguard her body. It would be reasonable to suggest that she carry a packet of condoms as well as expecting her partner to do so.
Beyond laying responsibilities on a couple that is about to embrace, we also have to define and allocate the responsibilities for their education. Like in tango, the music is not enough—the couple has to learn the steps. Parents, friends, schools, information and entertainment producing agencies, publishers of guides for living, and in fact, the social framework that we live in must act as role models and teachers. That is not an easy task. We largely do not know or cannot agree on how or when it is best to teach about this aspect of life, and who the teachers should be. Popularizing the idea of carrying condoms may be a good start.
Ms Blair’s forceful and openminded recommendation may be full of holes, but the stakes are high. She deserves a salute for getting our attention.
—George Szasz, CM MD
This post has not been peer reviewed by the BCMJ Editorial Board.
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